29 Sep 2009

afterglowers

do the fountain font shuffle
do the fountain font shuffle
you thought play-dough was dead

do the fountain font shuffle
pull the mountain mint caprice!
do the fountain font shuffle
pull the mountain mint caprice!

you thought play-dough was dead
you thought play-dough was dead
and papa was overcooked and underpaid

but it`s back
it`s all back, waiting to be picked up
by somebody just like you




23 Sep 2009

oh how beautiful

that it falls this way

i like that world
i'll stick with the classic

sense
of falling

i like that word

and there are those who haven't found the breathing wrong

itchy ditch diggers - and then there are

itchy ditch diggers - they get itchy.

but they don't scratch.. ..



and there are those that
go so far in appreciation of anything... and yeah...
and i'd invite you here - and it is a swirl.. . ... . . .. .

and there is the soundtrack
to our lives, let's say... i guesss

it makes sense to take the time to appreciate the putting in of an appostrophe - for all the trouble they make they save you some later - and as older and frayer as you think you're getting, at least those patterns are setting... setting in, and isn't that goodé

19 Sep 2009

in town

it's okay 
everyone can hear your name
now
colin
there's no shame
it's okay

everybody's back in town



***


got a cat
sleeping against my right foot
that ought to be enuf


now the climax is not just a climax
no run of the mill cresch
that being said...
the "jig" is looking less upright as time passes
is it a jeg yet? in a jetstream?
foghorn leghorn lost? coyote?



everybody's got passions
some people's passions are dispassionate, and that's real
some people's passions-for-dispassion are so real
they'll die to get there

17 Sep 2009

melancholy, waste, evil, and hope

``Every man has inside himself a parasitic being who is acting not at all to his advantage`` - WSB

``Happiness is a byproduct of function, purpose, and conflict; those who seek happiness for itself seek victory without war.`` - WSB


It`s possible to circumvent morality. It`s not altogether evil, but it tends to have bad results for most people, myself included. I can see my failings as an easy microcosm for the world that is looting the future. Not that it`s an excuse, to abstain from embodying the change I want to see in the world.


`Perhaps all pleasure is only relief.``

I`ll simply let William Burroughs speak for most of this entry. The gentleman junkie. These quotes all sound so pertinent to me right now. Like this one:

``The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself. Of course he wants care and shelter. You don't buy love for nothing. ``

``There couldn't be a society of people who didn't dream. They'd be dead in two weeks. ``


Oh, and this one just takes the cake... to the bakery, to see the other cakes:
``Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer. ``

13 Sep 2009

bite the bullet

what is there to lose? face it, the cream has separated, there's no muddying the water anymore - the chaff has ground into the soil of social assistance - why not listen to other people's lives? pass, and listen - they won't call you pathetic, that's for you to do, that's your responsibility - there there - there's always sarcasm - sarcastic steak and potatoes, a security blanket - your sister had to eat her heaches, you're being nice to her

the music might fade - a slackening ego -- - the best things happened on the now-flooded floors of the space-colony - the devil tuning up his fiddle

the ugly parts of the personality don't come through in an obsequious exterior - that shy guy is likable enough, in a contemptible way - his soul is on a lucky leash, it won't get him in trouble too often, it's for his own good - he won't die for a while yet, the dice are hot - his fire is carefully funneled through a climate control system - no one need stand next to it

let zoloft run the projector - let zoloft rule the night - let zoloft direct the show, a flash in a darkened theatre - a dream that was really a memory - i like the new red gelcaps

let x = y - let a void be a void - where a kid can be a kid - no song need be sung - let others sort of entertain crowds - past accomplishments mean nothing, unless you're in dorian mode - try it over lydian for the hell of it - you'll find you are indeed in the worst of all possible worlds, and it's not bad enough

the empty can rattles the most

9 Sep 2009

snowed



words won't revive anything
settle down, people, follow yourselves
to the geothermic recess of the medula
it's dark, and it's warm, and there's no time
it's a place to shake off kinesthetic excess

7 Sep 2009

hey mr. tambourine man, keep taking downers till you fall asleep
nothing is as bad as it seems, and history will be kind

if the thoughts go too far, watch a quilting show on pbs
or the food network - remember, this whole game was your idea
you can take your ball and go home anytime - it's allowed

there are many books to read, and there is no future
the valley is full of dippy hippies, and you got no prob with that
maybe one day you'll even turn back to pot

but until then, man, perform maintenance
there's work to be done, and work is good
playing is too difficult, yeah?

you needn't be a monk
but you gotta change
everyone's gotta
whether you wanna or not
so just step into the river
it will take you somewhere else, hey

sheesh

look at me... hiding - trying to bury the evidence, trying to pretend i didn't write that

why can't i just stand by my debauched writing? well, because i've been hyping this trying to get clean thing - and it's time for me to grow up - debauched me served a vital purpose, for many years, but he's standing in my way - how can i be so sane and rational and still succumb so often, betray everyone, lie, lie, lie? i gotta at least tell the truth, on my blog, or grate off a slice, anyway

i don't like debauched me anymore, i like the person i am when i'm staying clean - i can feel occasional justified anger instead of guilt guilt guilt - it's so much better - why do i trick myself into thrill-seeking drudgery? i don't know - i can only say, i'll get where i want to be, but i can't say when - it would be folly to trust me - one day i'll regain a reputation - i'll clean floors at crossroads, i'll study counselling, i'll learn people skills

maybe one of my ex girlfriends will write back, that would be a nice surprise - i promise not to be bitter - either way - i'm past that now - will i have to hide from this too? maybe - man, i just want mercy - some place to chill
who wants to meet for coffee?




















nevermind

test pattern

another day
























another day


















another day

5 Sep 2009

fun facts and trivia

trivia and fun facts - pursuit - the unfinished universe

chill pills - who tainted my PCP with pot?

inability to smile - barely able to climax - a push, a pull
over the summit - a ridge - a new valley with unseen grizzlies

what you want, grizzly adams?

fake it till you make it, i'll take that to heart
act a part - why not, it works better than anything
i tried before

lost in the labyrinth
have to wait till daylight to find my way out
the waiting game, not quite as much fun
as hungry hungry hippos

1 Sep 2009

survived hellish disgrace

survived missile attacks back and forth, over the forty ninth parallel
survived rogue soldiers in the streets, shooting automatics

bitter comedy routines acted out in chains hanging from the roof
drinking and puking into a glass of everclear to die and be re-animated

raz revenge, hiding a guy in the shed who was at the party
where i was disgraced (it happened twenty to fifty times)
to sting me, but after a few prayers, to god and the devil and my torturer
i saw the guy was a lowball charlatan, paid-off

psychotic meltdown, public masturbation in the side-yard
ex-lovers, mortal enemies, hell-bent on causing maximal misery

apartments, affordable, independence for externals
where my memory is burned, smoked with coke

survived a throat full of battery acid
driven away by the construction foreman, operating limbs by smell
diabetes ropes hung from highrise windows down to machines
swinging in the air, sunk in the ocean

compelled to dig through soiled information, things lying around
buried bacteria-slathered treasure, malicious pranks, no mercy
denver was destroyed, biohazardous material
montreal will pay, and it's my fault, it'll be traced
if it hasn't already, it's catching up, i'm fucked

a demonstration of my weakness on the asphalt playground
might as well sleep another three hours, intervals of yelling dad
a perfect symmetry, hell is my fault, opt-in, opt-out, no escape

cooler guy in the newer life, drawn with vague tracers over the net, here and there, up to this and that, back again, like the recurring dream, the knot of friends, mutually sour on me, 300 dollar rent and drugs

bad dreams

skylight on every ceiling in the famous neighbors' house - an open house - climbing from clear roof to roof, forgetting disgrace with the photographer