29 Sep 2008

Univergence
The result of the absence of perception is univergence.
A glass of water is left nearly finished on a hot summer day. The drinker comes back later to find the cup dry.
How a person can stare at something for minutes without moving his eyes and not be able to discern an object or form.
Words written on paper only change when being written or read--else, when not seen, it is not used and thus unchanged.
A person who became vegetarian out of survival's sake, got back to mainland life, no longer wanted meat.

26 Sep 2008

I like porn better anyway



they’ve said i’m a good lover – but i still prefer porn – and i prefer drugs to orgasm – i’m more human than you – it’s what separates me from the animals, except the monkeys who’ve been wired to freebase coke IVs and will self-administer the substance instead of food through starvation - i’m synthetic man

sex bores me – the first few times with the same partner are mind blowing bliss – then it becomes rote and obligatory – they get insecure that i don’t come and it kills my tantric buzz, i get nervous, negative imprints accumulate, i lose interest but feel pressured to pretend otherwise - the times i do feel spontaneous passion rarely count for anything, rarely nudge the already completed construct in their heads of me as a sterile eunuch droid

i like the comforts of a relationship, i love to love and be faithful, and share a life with someone - but sex poisons everything, because it is a drug for me – my eyes keep roving for the next hit, the next beauty, even if i’ve forbidden myself the consummation of those pleasures – consummation is a false religion, a dry dream

i’m such a baby when it comes to relationships – my experience is limited, i don’t know what i’m doing – pathetically eager to jump right in – she left me after three weeks – the realities “crept up on her”, i found out all the underlying problems in one shebang, out of the blue – and i still don’t understand – but i guess it was the right thing – guess i’ve learned enough about relationships to know i don’t want one – that ship sailed, sunk

if i gotta choose between women and drugs, i’ll choose drugs, my first and last love – they’ve been loyal to me and they don’t fuck me up as much – i constantly apologize for talking about drugs and nothing else – but i’m like an aquabot, apologizing for breathing through its gillotron – fuck it

10 Sep 2008

bottom line

buzzed from the show, our most successful to date - crowd, energy, sound, music, profit, feedback all pleased me

the hotel manager who never talks to me comes to see me in the middle of my shift:

"so how'd the show go?"

"very well" i say - "damn good show"

he stares at me with cold blank eyes, looking like he's expecting me to say something

"wasn't too busy though, huh?" he adds, finally

"uh... i dunno - how busy is it supposed to be?"

"how much did you guys make?" he asks

"about a grand" i honestly report

"about a grand, huh" the manager repeats, then leaves

gears grind in my head - this is what he came here to say? like, what does he want from me? if we were the wrong band for the bar, isn't that his fuckup? did our crowd not buy enough overpriced drinks? i only put two peeps on the guest list and neither showed - even bought several beers myself

kind of killed my buzz, this negative asshole coming by just to passive aggressively complain about the lack of money he expected to make from the show - i was happy with the turnout, our first ever encore request which mike refused to grant, of course - guess the manager was expecting a BC-DC sized crowd - poor guy - we killed his buzz with our subgenre music and our subcult following - maybe we should have subsidized his drink sales

well fuck it - can't be too concerned with that dick's bar profits - we played a good show and that's all i care about

maybe it was revenge for that time i told a rude customer to fuck off and no one could prove it was me - or maybe since my brain's been mercifully spared its paranoid obsessions so long, it decided it was due for one - in any case, it's something to write about – new bullshit to supplant the garden variety

4 Sep 2008

fall
fall

chels bells
chels bells in the fall
she believes in falling
and i’m seeing
pall malls
swirly for the sake of being swirly
information is neat
fornication’s sweet

super sweet

i’ll get a life’s worth of life out of this
but how could i be this tilted?
could it be because i aloud
myself to gelcap that yo
yes, remembering yesterdays
partenting skillz

omar likes to beedley deedley

fucking hell omar
you like to like to beedley deedley omar
fucking hell omar, and so do i
but you are so ghastly good at beedledeedlieying...
am i seeing this, am i believing this???
oh my god you are my trip - doing my tripeedee deebedeley
medelemedelmedelemedele deeds
and now you're letting adrian's horn
now you're getting me out of that sqozen chazm
and holyshit, you're actually making that
2 grams of k worth it, and then some, goddayum

you're a person i'm proud of
a chair i can bounce off of

boiling death request, se dice bufalo et stranger epochs
fountain fondu families, nubian princesi came as a forest
of frillsets, sucessful ponzi for a while

and these are my people
the afro'd robert-fripp-influenced, david bowie-referencing, latin k smokers
these are my people, they’re so
my people, they’re so
my people, they’re so
hey, when did this loop get so tight?
and i don’t mean that in a good way

smoked k tonight, yes i
never tried that way before
scraped some of it into a gelcap
after packing the sinuses
2 grams of k
that's all of it
down the drain o

can you believe that shit?
73% of americans are unable to
it’s the day the earth stood still
petrified digital glades
glaziazoes monstrazadaisikles

3 Sep 2008

sleaze bag

he's a sleaze bag
waiting in the sky
god's your creepy uncle
and you'll meet him when you die

he's a sleaze bag
but his love for you is true
he can handle any shit job
he is stoic through and through

he keeps the walls clean
keeps a byzantine nest
there's a rotating scheme
of walls to clean
a priority tree of growing complexity
the grime brightens, the brown whitens
it all becomes clear at eleven pm
before it goes grime again

please try not to look
like he looks like he’s sleazy
when you pass through, server girl
jewel from the dregs
wet, shining, stained
naked beneath
drapes of haphazard luck
it’ll rub off on you, try it, are you scared?
it’s not lucky for him but it’s lucky for you

grease spillage from motherfuck buckets
shudders from charmed dishrags
a critical mass of malignant thought
you'll avoid true contact
because truth is where love is
but he’ll do the extra chores
to keep on, clean the kitchen every night
just to see you smile again, he can pretend
it's all for him

in the constellations
you'll learn to love molestation

blakey boy

blakey boy's basically got no empathy
doesn't need to get back to me
doesn't mind if that fucks with me really
he's not clueless but mostly carefree

blakey boy's basically got no empathy
just lots of decency, i'm choking on his leniency
grand master tact feels nothing for me
he'll do his own thing, celebrate libran levity

carefree mostly
sometimes eternally
carefree mostly
sometimes eternally
saw him plucking the trends with zen fingertips
he stopped using filtertips
stopped smoking pot
saw him with flower petals at his feet
fragments of conversation between him and them

he's got indian status, shuns the silver spoon
casts the i ching and "explores" on shrooms
the trends dry and die but he always saves face
make no mistake, blake fucks up with grace

he gave me my first trip for free
back when i couldn't find that sort of thing
ochre haze warming lampbuzz, giggling under lions' gazebo
didn't matter that i'd eaten candy beforehand
and spent all my money, he critiqued the candy
said it was hard like it was supposed to be
purple licorice from the gas station, matured
to perfect textural consistency

blakey was a funny guy
we had some fun times
but now he's got a life
and i’ve got these dumb rhymes

taxing you

yes yes, i'm taxing you
i'm taxing you for being an asshole
the government wasn't doing its job
i noticed when you got your third promotion

yes yes, i'm helping myself
the company has deep pockets
i know they can afford compensation
to me it's simply an ignoble obligation

swipe, swipe, another swipe
it’s another wrong partially righted
i want a new ipod, you want a new car
the taxes won't kill you but the price of gas will

i'm so tired, think i’ll take a cab home today
so here’s another ride on you
oh i hope my entrusted ketamine-encrusted charge card
will get me back in time to watch tv
before i fall asleep, i’m so tired, did i tell you
i’m so tired? it's true

yes yes, i was taxing you
you caught me with your video camera
you had to film me and good thing you did
justice has been served

you took it on yourself to film me
it wasn't company policy strictly
but you're your own man, a man of action
the superstore garden center vigilante

yeah yeah, put me away
i'm sure i'll learn a valuable lesson
i'll learn to use my fists instead of my brain
it wasn't working anyway

ziegfried humperdinck's theme party

there's a spring in my step - i don't think that it's mine
there's notes on my pad, a quake in my spine
don't ask how they got there - i don't think they're mine
quiver, yeah i feel fine, really
yes i feel fine, shudder, really but
where were you when my whole body ached?
where were you when madness was a headdress
stapled to my temples, soul sickness
expressed in mad hat choice, like
there’s gotta be something wrong
and if you look too long you’ll catch it too
well i feel fine, but feel free to stay over there
if i'm scaring you, didn't mean to, sorry

every day's been garbage day since
i don't know when
but maybe i didn't throw out my brain
like i thought, looks like
there's something at the back of the fridge
the hairy jar of juice on the bottom rack
there’s beans in my dip, there’s a spring in my step
there’s spunk on my shirt - i don’t think that it’s mine

it’s awareness week
at the awareness fair
i'm hawking my wares
it’s awareness with flair

it’s awareness awareness week, are you aware?
and it’s a baseball cap, not a thought shield
and it makes me look less gay, i’m straight by the way
but i’m trying not to let it get to my head

now self awareness sold out
and that’s just as well
cause there’s other things you ought to try
there's this theme, there's this party

but it's sad to think that it might have been nothing but
an old time caffeine rush, those childhood riffs
when i spun straw into gold, grooved on gray skies
when the world didn't see things my way
and people were cross and country was friendly
it's sad to think it was only the candybar
i'd eaten and forgotten
back when a snickers cost eighty five cents
and choco wasn't drugs

well the drugs stopped working
and the magic isn't real
tarot says i've still got the power to heal
but i'll die before finishing med school